Hazing gay

Our voices united in a chant that declared our solidarity: “PLEDGE CLASS OF ONE!”

As our toes made contact with the water, an eerie silence enveloped us. Visit RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Online Hotline or the National Sexual Violence Resource Center’s website.

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A 2017 investigation by the Associated Press found 70 cases of teammate-on-teammate sexual assaults in US public schools between 2012-2017, which it called "the tip of the iceberg". He told us the pit we’d dug would act as a sacred space to reveal our secrets.

“This is a safe space — an open space for you all to share things about yourselves so that you can become closer as brothers,” he said.

I was so cold my jaw rattled, but I didn’t care.

We received more punishments.

“Swim out at the whistle,” The Leader commanded.

“PLEDGE CLASS OF ONE!” we chanted together in response, and charged toward the ocean.

When we had almost finished digging the triangular pit, the Leader stopped us from working and lined us up, creating a palpable sense of anticipation among the pledges.

His cry pierced the darkness and rallied the rest of us together. Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals mentioned in this essay.

Tanner Aiello’s writing explores his experience as the first openly gay member of his college fraternity.

"We just wanted to do our best to let our son see that he was somebody who was worth fighting for," she says.

Anthony now goes to a different school, and is seeing a therapist.

Dress in all black.”

My mind raced with questions.

You won’t be ‘the gay brother.’ You’ll be Tanner, our brother, who also happens to be gay.”

Courtesy of Tanner Aiello

Three weeks in, my pledge brothers were already becoming some of my closest friends.

But hazing rituals usually stem from a toxic team culture, he says.

Traditions are passed down from year-to-year, and today's aggressors were often last year's victims.

He’s currently finishing up his debut novel, “Tales of a Gay Frat Star.” Follow his book journey on Instagram, TikTok or Twitter @gayfratstar.

Need help? Time seemed to be holding its breath.

Suddenly, The Leader’s voice broke the stillness.

“Come back!” he called out, with a hint of compassion.

She feared that as a young gay man who had come out just a month earlier, I would be rejected or maybe even harmed.

Although fraternities are notorious for homophobia, I met a brother during rush week who alleviated the doubts my mom had placed in my head.

“You told me you were looking for a community — a place to belong,” he said.

In one incident, a video allegedly showing a teammate being penetrated by a broom was shared online.

These high-profile cases of sexual assault have reignited the call to end hazing in sports. And the suggestion that some hazing can be “good” is dangerous.

A widely used definition of hazing developed by our partners at StopHazing.org defines hazing as “any activity expected of someone joining or participating in a group that humiliates, degrades, abuses, or endangers them, regardless of a person’s willingness to participate.”

In this case, the fraternity used deception, forced exercise, sleep deprivation, exposure to the elements, fear, and potential humiliation to compel a sense of bonding among the pledges.

Elizabeth Allan, a leading expert on hazing at the University of Maine and principal of StopHazing, describes a continuum of hazing that scales up from intimidation and harassment to physical violence.

From "Animal House" to Caitlin Clark

Popular culture has long glorified hazing as a test of courage and a tangible demonstration of one’s desire to belong.

From the movie “Animal House” to the rookie hazing of WNBA star Caitlin Clark, hazing is often portrayed as team-building, good-natured teasing, or a time-honored tradition.

Yet we know that, nearly every year, at least one college student dies as a result of hazing on college campuses.

I never thought I would find solidarity in a group of frat boys, but I did, and I could not be more grateful for what they’ve helped me achieve.

Note: This essay was originally published in June 2024 and is being rerun now as part of HuffPost Personal’s “Best Of” series. What is the mentality here?

They spoke of the loss of family members and friends. Meanwhile, she says, the alleged attackers only received a three-day game suspension.

It was the lack of action, she says, that led the family to sue.