Gay gold star

You are what you are in any given moment.

This exclusionary attitude is harmful to trans lesbians and bisexual women, who are often seen as less legitimate members of the LGBT community.

There is no one right way to be a lesbian, and each person's experience is valid and deserving of respect. This exclusionary attitude is harmful to trans women, who are often seen as less legitimate members of the LGBT community.

Keep in mind that terminology — especially when it comes to sex — varies widely across communities, and no single definition or article can encapsulate every individual’s experience with these terms. "If this is confusing, you’re not alone. Back in 2006, our fictional friends Carmen and Bette seemed to have a pretty narrow definition of lesbian sex, and they’re not alone.

While the term is often used in a joking way, it also serves as a reminder that not all lesbians have had the same experiences. Some real people in the real world have interpreted “gold star lesbian” to mean “a vulva-owning lesbian (presumably, a cis woman) who only has only had sex with other vulva-owning people (presumably, cis women).” And again — by this definition, what should be a fact about someone’s sexual history becomes an achievement when the words “gold star” are attached.

No empirical studies link cesarean delivery to sexual orientation; rates of homosexuality remain consistent across birth methods, consistent with evidence of innate, biologically driven attraction patterns influenced by genetic and prenatal factors rather than delivery mechanics.^[36] Similarly, while some silver star rationales invoke trauma or denial as explanations for past opposite-sex activity, population-level data refute trauma as a causal origin of homosexuality, showing elevated adversity among sexual minorities arises primarily from societal stigma post-orientation emergence, not as its precursor.^[37] Such gradations thus quantify an inherently non-graduated trait, highlighting fixed-orientation realities over malleable or environmentally induced models.

Usage and Examples

In Media and Public Discourse

The term "gold star" entered broader public awareness through the 2017 revival of the NBC sitcom Will & Grace.

"Someone like Lance Bass, who is also gay, but who has had sex with women, would not be described as gold star gay because he hasn’t been with only men. This is demeaning and offensive to all lesbians, who should be respected for their sexuality regardless of who they're attracted to.

Conclusion

"Gold star lesbian" is a problematic phrase that should be retired.

Meaning, you’ve had no physical contact with a vagina, and limited proximity to them."

While these statuses have really nothing to do with sexuality, they still exist.

There's more:

Girls star Andrew Rannells has said he is “pure-bred” gay, which means he knew he was gay from practically the minute he was born. 

Suzie Orman, the financial expert, has recently spoken out and said that she is a 55-year-old virgin because although she has a lesbian partner, she has never been with a man.

It’s been used to justify transphobia.

Remember that dialogue from The L Word (“someone who’s gay who’s never had sex with a person of the opposite sex“…”people who bump uglies with uglies“)? Or, you could have a straightforward history as a heterosexual person, who is not having a history as a gay person, and that means you used to be heterosexual, but now, you’re gay," Masini said.

Some people hate labels and status terms altogether. 

"There is a lot of disappointment and anger about these terms from people who feel that gold, double gold, and platinum, are all status symbols and to differentiate sexuality within a hierarchy like this is discriminating," Masini said.

Sexual and gender fluidity is not new, but its socialization and normalization are. Cade went on to publish a series of blog posts advocating for violence against trans women, and the BBC removed Cade’s quotes from the article (partially due to the blog posts and partially due to previous allegations of “sexual misconduct” against Cade…which the BBC knew about before the article was published).

First, you could be bisexual, which means you like having sex with people of both sexes. No, I know it’s shocking, but it’s true — I did, once, accidentally sleep with a man. Stern then initiated a game called the “Gold Star Contest,” in which “the crew attempted to guess which female contestant lived up to that same standard.” Yikes.

In 2006, the term made its way onto the original L Word series.

Put on your lesbian hard hats — we’re about to enter dangerous territory. I’m crafting these definitions with help from queer archives, pop culture, interviews, and more. It leans on the falsehood that bisexual women are somehow “tainted,” “going through a phase,” or eager to leave their lesbian partners once they find the perfect straight, cis guy.

3.

Lesbian, pan, and bi folks aren’t “less queer” or “less valid” in their queer identities if they currently have sex with cis men or formerly had sex with cis men.

In fact, it’s entirely possible that the lesbianest lesbian you know had sex with a cis man at some point — maybe with lots of cis men.

What does it mean? Of course, like with any queer terminology, there’s some disagreement as to what exactly “gold star lesbian” means — I’ll be covering alternate definitions below.

Eventually, the straights caught onto the meaning of “gold star lesbian.” According to a Facebook post from The Howard Stern Show, radio personality Howard Stern referred to lesbian singer/songwriter Melissa Etheridge as a “gold star lesbian” when she appeared on a 1998 episode.