First time with a gay man

If It Didn’t Go So Well

Hey, not every date’s a winner — and that’s okay. The place had an ironic name, MODEST. Things didn’t really go to plan at first. As a barista used to the daily grind of brewing coffee and engaging in fleeting conversations with a diverse array of customers, I have always prided myself on my ability to connect with people from all walks of life.

It was as if the layers of societal conditioning were gently peeling away, revealing a more authentic version of who I am. If you spot an error, please let us know.

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TODAY IS NOT AN EASY DAY

Queer press and books are forced into silence.
But we have something powerful on our side.
We’ve got you.

Yet, stepping into this space, I became acutely aware of my own preconceptions and the subtle, unspoken boundaries that often govern social interactions.

The bar was a kaleidoscope of colours, textures, and sounds—the plush velvet seating juxtaposed against the industrial chic of exposed pipes and brick walls. First-Date Dealbreakers to Avoid

Trying Too Hard or Stretching the Truth

It can be tempting to embellish your story or personality to make a good impression — but that usually backfires.

At that point, I had already come out to my friends and felt immersed in LGBT culture, but I’d never gone to a gay bar. We were in private, and I decided I would finally come out. But avoid making it feel like a job interview.

Give yourselves space to build a genuine bond. After I was 25, I did not visit gay bars anymore.”

Elvira Blomqvist, 27, barista, Stockholm

“Stepping into the dimly lit yet vibrant world of a gay bar for the first time, I found myself enveloped in an atmosphere that was both foreign and strangely familiar.

Someone timed 3 minutes. Save the ex-talk for far later (if at all).

Turning the Date into a Checklist

Sure, asking questions helps you get to know one another. We spoke of art, love, and the human condition, our words weaving a tapestry of shared experiences and new perspectives. All are valuable — because they teach you more about what you truly want and need.

8.

They will publish the first novel ‘Amber memoirs‘ in 2026. Born and nurtured in the sombre confines of Warsaw, where my very essence was condemned, the shift to a world so unshackled felt like a dream woven in colours too vivid for my eyes. Music throbbed gently in the background, a rhythmic heartbeat that seemed to synchronise with the collective pulse of the patrons.

Moving slowly builds trust and keeps the experience enjoyable for you both.

3. There was a palpable sense of camaraderie, an unspoken understanding that here, within these walls, one could be unabashedly oneself.

In this space, I felt a shift within myself.